My decision to make a lifestyle change is usually the result of a slow but steady buildup of knowledge through reading and talking to others. Once I’ve gathered enough data to justify the idea, I jump in. I don’t need perfect evidence that it’s a great choice. I actually like the idea that it’s a little bit of risk.
Going vegan, signing up for a marathon, moving to Africa, attending a silent retreat, or quitting alcohol all seemed a little scary and outrageous when I first thought of it, then it slowly became acceptable, and ultimately they turned out to be great choices. Not because they made my life perfect, but because I learned a ton of new things, had fun with it, and probably gained a bit in terms of health and personal development.
From November 28 until December 27, 2024, I didn’t drink a drop op of alcohol. The slow build to reach this decision included reading a relatable book about quitting drinking (by a Flemish author approximately my age), the realization that quitting or drastically reducing alcohol intake is something many people do in their forties, and something my dad said: “People around me drink a lot, but the biggest problem is that they never take a break. Every once in a while, they should stop for six weeks to let their livers recover.” He’s at an age where he repeats himself a lot, but in this case—and with other wisdoms he comes up with—I didn’t mind.
The cocktail drinking diplomat
The old cliche that diplomats go to receptions and drink a lot is, in my case anyway, true. There are diplomats who don’t drink, usually for religious reasons, but those who attend receptions tend to drink like fish. When I decided to quit drinking it immediately became apparent that I was going to have to say “no thank you” a lot. I mean, the first week alone I attended three holiday party where booze was served and everyone expected me to have some. So the first thing I learned was that I attend a lot of events with alcohol and I drink at each of them.
What was it like to forego all the refreshing beers, white wines, and gin-tonics? Frankly, it felt weird. All of a sudden I was digging through the soft drinks cooler along with all the kids and the religiously observant. I also had to explain myself a lot. People looked at my softdrink with great surprise, probably thinking I was either sick or pregnant. It occurred to me that being seen without a drink shouldn’t be so exceptional.
But there were upsides, too. I appreciated the events more—the food, the games, the decorations—and remembered the conversations I had better. Alcohol can get you in a tunnel where the drink is the center and you don’t really care who you’re talking to. That suddenly seemed pretty stupid. Also, I was really happy to experience all the Christmas magic with my kids without the interference of an alcohol buzz. December is a great dry month in that sense, and you escape a lot of drinking!
Dry Wine Wednesday
Every week I invite friends to come to my house for wine and snacks after work. Usually only women show up and it turns into a great talking session where we each get to clear our cache of news, frustrations, and plans. We coordinate our calendars, give each other support and advice, and laugh a lot. Without alcohol, I wasn’t sure I could sustain this gathering called “wine Wednesday.” But I was very happy with the prospect that I wasn’t gonna be tired or hungover on Thursdays anymore.
Instead of drinking, we did art activities to keep our hands busy. This was something we always talked about but had been too lazy to implement. That’s what alcohol does, apparently. It makes me a lot less likely to make my ideas a reality. Which is too bad, because I have lots of interests and ideas (I also started to take piano lessons)! The quality of our togetherness definitely didn’t suffer. Because we’re good friends, we don’t need alcohol to facilitate good conversation. Thankfully.
Running junkie
While I believe (too much) alcohol is unhealthy, I also believe it can make life more fun. I noticed that, now that I wasn’t drinking, I was spending a lot more time at home and a lot less time outside of the house being social, going on date night, organize girls nights, dance, or stay around groups of people for longer than absolutely necessary. I read more, watched more movies, cooked more, and interfered with my kids more. And I went to bed earlier. I think that’s fine, but also a little boring.
To still get a regular thrill, I started to focus on something that gets my endorphins flowing: long distance running. Honestly, I’d been doing that all year already, but now it felt more important than ever. Now I didn’t have to psych myself up for a training or a race—I couldn’t wait! The high of running 21K or more, and the delirious fatigue that follows later, can be its own source of addiction. Running isn’t without risk (I’ve had every running injury in the book by now) but it’s probably better than drinking.
Back to beer
I arrived in Goa on December 28 and the first thing I did was drink beer. Then I had wine for dinner. Did I realize I was setting myself up for some terrible sleep and a hangover the next day? Not really. I thought my liver would remember how to process all those toxins. I was wrong. My husband and I both felt terrible the next day and promptly decided to go dry again. At least until we’d completed our next long training run for the upcoming marathon in January.
The adverse reaction to alcohol surprised me. After my pregnancies I never experienced that. But then again, I always eased back into drinking very slowly. With a baby around you shouldn’t have more than one glass of wine if you plan on breastfeeding later that day. The other difference is that with pregnancy it’s a “must” so I never gave it much thought. Now, drinking or staying dry is a voluntary decision, which makes it harder.
Now what?
All in all, I think I learned a lot from the past month. I learned that I was drinking too often to be considered normal/healthy; the temptation of alcohol is strong in my world; not drinking doesn’t change my relationships but makes me less social overall; I’m more focused and present without alcohol; and I’m a bit of a thrill seeker with too much energy, probably using alcohol as a crutch while I should probably opt for healthier alternatives.
My plan is definitely to drink less from now on and care less about people’s expectations in this regard. I also like the idea of testing myself more, so next I’m going to abstain from sugar next month!
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